What can get in the way of having a good connection with our kids?
- The need to be a perfect parent.
- The need to be in control.
- Parenting unconsciously through our old programs, traumas etc. Awareness of these can help.
- The need for our kids to be perfect and we end up trying to fix them.
- Caught up in our stress, worry – so not being present.
- Being aware of unrealistic expectations we have on ourselves and our kids. They are going to get things wrong, make mistakes, make stupid decisions.
- Not properly listening to what our kids are saying (even if it appears trivial), what they need (no what we think they need).
- When we make our life too busy and we don’t have time to be present.
So how can we have greater connection with our kids?
- Practicing greater presence in our day, and it may only be moments.
- When our kids speak to us, stop and really listen. Don’t lecture, but ask questions, show curiosity.
- Recognise there is a time to do and a time to slow.
- Be aware when our child triggers something in us. Ask ourselves curiously, what’s that about? What within myself has been hurt, pushed etc.
- Be aware when a child is misbehaving or emotional. Again be curious, what’s happening for them before we react. Not into fix it mode immediately, because this says there is something wrong.
- Misbehaviour will often be a direct result of poor connection – they don’t feel heard, understood, loved or respected.